WHO WANTS TO TAILGATE THIS WEEKEND?

Great news guys! The Westboro Baptist Church is coming to our state here in Minnesota to protest the funeral of a soldier that died in Afghanistan. Sounds like great fun!

It's kind of a haul from the Twin Cities so, I'm going to get over there a little early to get some beers and brats on the grill going while i paint up my "God Hates America" sign. Who's in?

We get it already Westboro Church ... Instead of making up signs that read "God Hates Fags" ... you may as write ones that read "Look at ME! I'm so extreme and edgy and controversial!"

Although writing this on my hugely popular blog just gave them a ton more exposure! What a fool! I've played right into their hands!

5 THINGS I LEARNED AT JESUS CAMP

Paraphrasing from the directors...

1. There are 80-100 million Evangelicals in the U.S. and the kids in this movie aren't just fringe wackos living far away from civilization. These are fairly mainstream people in the suburbs that go to Starbucks and shop at the GAP.

2. I don't think it's ever been more obvious that religion wouldn't exist if parents didn't shove it down the throats of their children. In the film, all sides pretty much admit this. These kids are pretty cute ... Makes it all the more sad the cycle goes on generation after generation. It's child abuse really, not letting them develop a self of themselves and the world without jamming dogma into it every step of the way.

3. Harry Potter is an enemy of God.

4. If you present an unbiased view of abortion to elementary children, they all will pray with you that it ends.

5. You have to ask God to bless your audio-visual equipment to ensure everything stays in working order.

(You could go on and on about this movie ... blah blah blah ... whatever your belief ... it's powerful ... go watch it. Like you haven't already ... what took me so long?)

GOD HATES WINDOW WASHER'S BROTHER

(This is an old story, but hey i just started so like Bill Lumberg ... i'm sorta playing catch-up.)

Doctors say they have never seen anything like it: A window washer who fell 47 stories from the roof of a Manhattan skyscraper is now awake, talking to his family and expected to walk again. Alcides Moreno, 37, plummeted almost 500 feet in a Dec. 7 scaffolding collapse that killed his brother.

His wife, Rosario Moreno, cried as she thanked the doctors and nurses who kept him alive.

"Thank God for the miracle that we had," she said. "He keeps telling me that it just wasn't his time."

Man, it's too bad God hated his brother. I mean God was RIGHT THERE because he had to save Alcides since he obviously has a great plan for him and needed him to live. So since he was in neighborhood, AND they fell at the same time, why not save both brothers? O'well, maybe his brother sinned more?

I can't wait to see God's Great Plan for Alcides Moreno. I assuming he's going to cure cancer or something. Either that or sue everyone possible and tax the legal system for years. It's a toss up really.

(P.S. This is actually an amazing, fantastic story. What are the chances of him falling just right in order to live?)

WHY IS ADAM CAROLLA SUCH A GENIUS?

"Because he didn't have religious dogma funneled up his ass as a young person!"

That's the reason he gives for being an atheist.

In addition to being an genius, ironically, Adam Carolla is great carpenter. Jesus would be proud! In addition to wood working skills he also hosts my favorite radio show out in L.A. He covers all kinds of topics with all kinds of guests, occasionally delving into religion. It's available for free on itunes.

"A few thousand years ago if i came up with a religion or God that said 'everything's good, you do onto others, and you love your neighbor, and you stay outta trouble and then when you die that's about it... you turn into dirt'... you tell ME IF that CONCEPT would have been embraced?"

How does he puts things this eloquently off the top of his head?? Seriously. It takes me an hour to write a stupid post on here. I hate you Adam, I by "hate you" i mean "Hate you" the same way Vikings fans hate Brett Favre. I secretly want Adam to take snaps from me and win ME a Super Bowl.

IN CASE YOU MISSED IT, JOHN TRAVOLTA IS AN ASS

And I'm not even talking about dressing up as a 300-lb woman in some horrible movie remake. As seen in many articles across the web ...

According to the Church of Scientology, people with mental illnesses are "degraded" and capable of curing themselves by working harder on the church's teachings.

Tim Kenny, the father of a 4-year-old autistic girl who lives close to the Travolta estate, says that he was introduced the actor in February "as one autistic child's father to another" but that Travolta was in denial.

"Scientology is keeping him from acknowledging his son's autism. They see it as a weakness," he says.

I happen to know a school psychologist pretty well. First of all, autism is not a mental illness. It is a genetic developmental social disorder. It's not black and white either, there are grades of severity with autism. It's not cured with drugs or anything, in fact, it's not cureable at all.

Basically, autistic kids are put into programs to help them overcome and build social skills. The sooner school psychologists are able to intervene and get them into a program right for them, the better chance they have of overcomming autism.

So there you have it! Dogma gets in the way fact-based science once again! And it's even called Scientology ...how ironic.

In related news ... in my religion (Bunsenism), you go to hell if you ingest any vitamin C. Sorry kids, you'll just have to pray that much harder if you want your scurvy to go away.

WHEN GOD MADE THIS ATHEIST CHICK, HE ADDED 2 EXTRA SCOOPS OF AWESOMENESS

I'd say Nikki here is a super-sexy atheist, but that's kind of redundant. It's like saying "that swimmer is all wet." All Atheists are super-sexy. Duh.

This Leviticus guy sounds like he could use an update. When God wrote the bible, instead of writing about how you can't wear 2 fabrics at once, he should have thrown something in about ipods. Young people love ipods! And maybe they could brainwash people easierRRR I MEAN, save young people through worship, if they knew the big Guy Upstairs was waiting with some cool next-gen iphone that they don't even have yet on earth?

Check out more Nikki videos. By all indications, she couldn't be much more awesomer than she already is.

DANIEL TOSH FINDS [ANOTHER] BIBLE LOOP HOLE

I went to his show last night. Obviously this guy's a comic genius, i'm sure you already knew that.

But after thinking about it, isn't he actually right? I don't think it does say you can't swear in the bible anywhere.

I mean it says you can't get tattoos or turn your daughter into a prostitute, otherwise I'd have done those things already. But hey, he'll let us swear! Yaaaay! This great news because i like to swear too!

Maybe this God guy isn't so fuckin' bad after all?