McCAIN'S MORAL COMPASS GETS AN 'F' IN ORIENTEERING

You might watch this clip and think "I guess Obama isn't the only one with a crazy pastor." But in the real world, you probably shouldn't use the word "pastor" without putting the word "crazy" in front of it.

Isn't that fun how it worked out?... The guys who have all the oil for our SUVs also happen to believe in the wrong fairy tale. I mean if that's not an extra good reason to invade someone's country i don't know what is?

Nevermind our economy, health care, social security crisis and violent crime surplus over here in my good 'ol USA, we need to destroy this Islam thing before we're all writing right-to-left and praying 9 times a day to demons. Vote McCain!!!!

NEW! ... "CAN-BARELY-VOTE" BARBIE

Coming this Christmas!


From TEHRAN, Iran (AP)...

A top Iranian judiciary official warned Monday against the "destructive" cultural and social consequences of importing Barbie dolls and other Western toys.

In the latest salvo in a more than decade-old government campaign against Barbie, Prosecutor General Ghorban Ali Dori Najafabadi said in an official letter to Vice President Parviz Davoudi that the doll and other Western toys are a "danger" that need to be stopped.

Unfortunately things like "Hollywood couples selling ugly baby pictures for thousands of dollars" and "Paris Hilton" do exist here, so Ghorban might actually have a point.

"The displays of personalities such as Barbie, Batman, Spiderman and Harry Potter ... as well as the irregular importation of unsanctioned computer games and movies are all warning bells to the officials in the cultural arena," his letter said.

"Undoubtedly, the personality and identity of the new generation and our children, as a result of unrestricted importation of toys, has been put at risk and caused irreparable damages," he said.

That really is a heads-up play outta this guy. You'd hate to see Iran's glorious Islamic culture get infected with devil women learning to use their sexuality to lure men into letting them drive or watching a soccer match at the stadium! Can you imagine? Bitches be running wild man. Next thing you know, women would think they could have jobs like a police officer or something.

TAKE A LOOK, IT'S IN A BOOK, A READING RAINBOW

The fact that Tim Keller concedes certain points about religion makes want to read this book "The Reason For God" and see what he has to say.

As already stated, Mr. Keller's approach to his argument is anything but direct. He gives up more ground than the 2006 Indianapolis Colts defense (seventh worst all time) and uses more misdirection than an option offense.

Religion causes violence, doubting God is healthy, Christianity cannot exist without social justice, Jesus suffered exclusion from God's presence (no mention of wrath), Christians tend to be morally deficient, and macro evolution is probably for real.

Throw in the natural goodness of man, the relativity of meaning and a naturalistic explanation for supposed miracles and you'd actually have a liberal.

But Mr. Keller isn't willing to go that far. It's a bit of a rope a dope. Mr. Keller follows up his line on religion's threat to peace with this caveat: "Within Christianity—robust, orthodox Christianity—there are rich resources that can make its followers agents for peace on earth."

Ohhhhhh ... so there are the roots that religion could be good in place ... but for some reason people made some poor decisions within their faith and we ended up with suicide bombers, 9/11, the Crusades, witch-hunts, a Gunpowder Plot, Indian partition, Israeli/Palestinian wars, Serb/Croat/Muslim massacres, persecution of Jews as 'Christ killers', Northern Ireland 'troubles', 'honor killings' and televangelists fleecing gullible people of their money.

Hey it's not religion's fault! Come on! At our annual Jesus Buffet ... We set the vegetable tray with low-fat western chipotle dip RIGHT NEXT TO the brownies. It's not our fault the guests choose poorly and are huge lard asses.


P.S. I'm still going to probably read his book, because i want to see if he can come up with an actual decent reason for God that i haven't heard before. (after I'm done reading God Delusion, which i borrowed from above there)

YOU BETTER LET DERRICK MAKE THAT FREE THROW JESUS!

Memphis coach John Calipari thought having Derrick Rose at the free throw line with the game in his hands was the perfect situation.

The Tigers were up 62-60 with 10.8 seconds left and his standout freshman was ready to hand-deliver Memphis their first national championship.

Hit both free throws and Rose might rival Elvis Presley as Memphis's favorite son.

"I'm going to tell you what I said on the bench when Derrick went to the line," Calipari told reporters. "You know, I think everything in life happens for a reason.

"And I sat there and I looked up and I said, 'Lord, if he makes this, these two, we're supposed to be national champs.' And if that's your will, I'm fine. And if he misses them and we're not, I'm fine with that, too.'

"That's what I said in my mind."

Rose made only one of two free throws and Kansas guard Mario Chalmers hit a game-tying three-pointer from the top of the key with 2.1 seconds left to send the game into overtime.

Looks like the good people at the Westboro Church seem to have the right view of God, as the Lord blessed their home-state Kansas with a NCAA National Championship last night!

Basketball analyst Jay Bilas, deadpans...This game wasn't about god's will, it was about not taking a timeout when you should have, and not fouling when you should have. It was about poise at the end of the game, and Memphis did not have any."

"Everything happens for a reason" alright. Like School Shootings. There's always a good reason for those... like .... um ....

.....um...

....

....Wait here's a better example of why everything happens for a reason....

When your coach constantly downplays free throws and leaves it up looking at the ceiling with the National Championship on the line instead of calling a time out OR fouling up by 3 ... that's a pretty good reason as to why you're not cutting down the nets.



Thanks to Paul G. for the story. Good times.

FLORIDA EDUCATION JUST GOT SEXIER

So backwards-ass Florida finally got around to updating their educational curriculum to include evolution. No word yet on whether they teach that earth is flat or round. But naturally the Christian Educators Association International is less than pleased. Member David Bracken writes...

The Florida Department of Education has written new science standards that will require Florida science teachers to present evolution as a proven fact. There are no provisions included in the standards that will allow for the critical analysis of the theory of evolutions. Thus many of us that object to the“science”used to present evolution as a fact have no recourse but to teach the lie of evolution as though it is a proven fact.

Over the past month I've been able to present to the Florida Department of Education why I think the new standards need to be changed and I've met personally with Florida Senate Majority Leader Daniel Webster, Florida House of Representatives Speaker Marco Rubio, and several other legislators about an Academic Freedom bill. Each of the legislators said that my testimony as a teacher that has been confronted about teaching the weaknesses in the theory of evolution is critical to the passing of the bill and that we need to hear from more teachers with that experience.

Similarly, i remember being in biology class and learning about all the different species of animals. When we got to the chapter on mammals, they totally forgot to do Big Foot-Yetti-Sasquatch, or whatever you want to call him.

Dude's real! I've seen him with my own two eyes when we when camping one time! He smelled the smores we were making and stole a marshmellow i had cooked to a gorgeous golden brown. I was mad at first, but i can't stay mad at you Yetti! You're too super cute! True story!

YOU HAVE GOT TO EFFING KIDDING ME

On the night before 11-year-old Madeline Kara Neumann died of complications from untreated diabetes, her parents did not call a doctor.

Instead, Dale and Leilani Neumann prayed over the telephone Saturday with the founder of a religious Web site named AmericasLastDays.com.

The stunning detail was revealed Thursday by David Eells, whose Unleavened Bread Ministries operates the Web site that focuses on religious healing and the apocalypse. Leilani Neumann, who lives in the Town of Weston, wrote two posts on the Web site.

Absolutely not ... this has to be an Onion story or something right? Someone's playing a joke me? ... REALLY????

Eells, 59, who lives in Pensacola, Fla., said he was asked by an elder to call the parents and pray for their daughter.

In a statement posted on the Web site, Eells says that the child had started to get sick "in just the last day or so" and the parents "asked me to pray and agree with them in prayer, basically because she appeared pale and listless. They did not seem overly concerned because they had had healings before. This is not an unusual kind of request to us."

Eells said he received another call from the Neumanns on Sunday as the family "followed an emergency vehicle with Kara in it. They told me that she had stopped breathing and asked if I would pray that the Lord would spare her and raise her up, which I did."

The girl was pronounced dead at St. Clare's Hospital. An autopsy determined she had diabetic ketoacidosis, a serious complication of untreated insulin-dependent diabetes.

This poor girl never really had a chance. If not diabetes, she probably would have stubbed her toe on rusty nail one day and then her parents would just sit there and stare at the infection as it grew. Why isn't it going away? We prayed EVERY DAY!

If i was a kid I'd rather be left in a wolves' den as an infant that have Dale and Leilani Neumann for parents. I'd like my chances a lot better. Being a silver-lining guy, at least this poor girl won't grow up and raise another generation of world-class morons. See that glass! ... it is half full!

BEST ACCEPTANCE SPEECH EVER?

Yes, best acceptance speech ever.

In fairness, Jesus probably didn't have time to help out Kathy, because he was probably busy helping Kanye West, David Tyree and George Bush with war. Afterall ... there's only so many grace-giving hours in the day.