PRAYING CAN LOWER GAS PRICES, PRODUCTIVITY

From the LA Times ...

Forget Congress. Forget President Bush. About four months ago, frustrated by the apparently immutable laws of supply and demand, Rocky Twyman turned to a higher authority in his quest for cheaper gasoline.

The recent dip in prices, he says, is proof of divine intervention.

"Prayer is the answer to every problem in life," said Twyman, founder of the Pray at the Pump movement, whose members huddle around gas pumps and ask the Almighty to lower gasoline prices.

I also find prayer is the answer for every problem. Hard work and a good attitude can only take you so far ... eventually it all comes down to praying. A few obvious examples ... "I'm praying the bank doesn't notice the missing mortgage payment this month. or I'm praying on the Lord's Holiness that her bikini top falls off in the surf ... or i'm praying with all my might that sticky grenade finds it's way across the entire board for a double kill on Halo 3" When prayers like those are answered, God's pretty irrefutable.

According to AAA, which tracks such matters, the average nationwide price for a gallon of gas Wednesday was $3.78 -- down from $4.10 a month ago, but still 25 cents higher than on April 23.

The prayer group's efforts began that day just a few blocks away, at the soup kitchen of First Seventh-day Adventist Church. When the soup kitchen's volunteers, many of them senior citizens, began talking about cutting back their time because they couldn't afford to drive, Twyman said, "God just impressed me to take them over to the pump, and the rest is history."

I think that's awesome the lower gases prices allowed those people to volunteer again at the kitchen. It's almost like God knew that lower gas prices would specifically help out the soup kitchen. And then i assume God kept these new lower gas prices secret from atheists?

Now that they've solved gas prices could someone get these people to shift their prayers to Wall Street? My Large Cap is killing my 401K over here.

LET THE BODIES HIT THE FLOOR!

What you call a cruel man using foolish faith to fleece gullible people of their money ... i call great showmanship! I think if you can find a way to make grip-loads of money pushing down Jesus freaks and elederly ladies, more power to you. That's like 2 steps removed from figuring out how feel up breasts for a living.

"IT'S A LOUSY NIGHT TO BE AN ATHEIST"

So I was enjoying the hell out of watching Josh Hamilton of the Texas Rangers blast 28 home runs in the Derby last night, when ass-clown Rick Reilly dropped this gem from the announcing booth:

"He beat Cocaine and Heroin addiction, found Religion and made it back to the big leagues. It's a bad night to be an atheist."

Classic! I like how it's still perfectly OK to openly discriminate against atheism. Good times!

In related news since straight-white-Christian Josh Hamilton hit 28 HRs in one round, it was a REALLY bad night to be a Black Gay Muslim.

INNOCENT CRACKERS TAKEN HOSTAGE

On a scale of 1-10, how lame is it to blog about a news story about another blog? I'm not sure so i'm going to do it anyway...

A Minnesota university instructor and avowed atheist is jousting with a national Catholic watch dog group over a smuggled communion wafer, which the associate professor dismisses as a "frackin’ cracker."

Paul Z. Myers, who teaches biology at the University of Minnesota, Morris, on his blog this week expressed amazement that a Florida college student who briefly took a wafer "hostage" from a church ceremony has been receiving death threats for an action that was characterized "a hate crime" by the Catholic League.

Paul ... come on man! It's much more than a cracker sir! Some guy in a robe that can't have sex waved his hand over it and now it's the body of Christ! Everyone knows that.

This reminds me of a book i read where this old woman with face warts lived in a house by herself in the forest. She was cooking something in a big cauldron with steam was pouring over the edges. I don't remember the whole story, but a big part of it involved her picking apples from the trees surrounding her house and then waving her hand over them so they became "enchanted." Anyway i can imagine she would have been pissed off if someone took her apples and held them hostage. She was pretty scary looking, so without her apples, how would she lure small children into her house?

BEST QUOTE EVER?

I contend that we are both atheists.
I just believe in one fewer god than you do.
When you understand why you dismiss all other possible gods,
you will understand why I dismiss yours.
—Stephen Henry Roberts

I couldn't find any pictures of Stephen Henry Roberts, so i'm going to just make the safe assumption that he looks a lot like Olivia Munn.

Damn it Olivia, are you going to stop stalking me or am i going to have to renew the restraining order against you? I get it. You want to jump my super-sexy muscles. But in order to court me, i need you to stimulate my mind with engaging conversation first. I'm not a piece of meat.

iPOD OR GOD? ... TOUGH CALL

He'd like to stay 17 or 18 the rest of his life? Join the club buddy. When the original Amish founders were making up the story about their religion they should have put something in it about "you'll stay 17 forever if you follow our teachings." I imagine that would have been pretty popular.

Also, I tried to listen to an ipod once, but the ear-bud wires turned into giant serpents and starting spitting out flames until my ears were severely burned. I hate when devil does that kind of stuff, but i had to respect his craftiness and creativity on that one. Good one devil ... good one.

R.I.P. GEORGE CARLIN

"The whole problem with this idea of obscenity and indecency, and all of these things — bad language and whatever — it's all caused by one basic thing, and that is: religious superstition," Carlin told the AP in a 2004 interview. "There's an idea that the human body is somehow evil and bad and there are parts of it that are especially evil and bad, and we should be ashamed. Fear, guilt and shame are built into the attitude toward sex and the body. ... It's reflected in these prohibitions and these taboos that we have."

— George Carlin

Exactly. Kudos to a man that didn't follow a practice that teaches you be ashamed of being human.