I'M AN FSM MINISTER, NO TAXES PLEASE

So i was getting my money back from the government raping my paycheck all year doing my taxes this weekend and came across the page above. I've obviously heard about tax exemptions for religion, but they always seemed like a distant myth that doesn't actually happen in real life... like a cheetah running 60 mph or Christian being intelligent .... So obviously it was kinda jarring to come face-to-face with it.

"If you are minister, member of a religious order, or notary public and would like to make an adjustment to the self-employer tax, click the SE Adjustment button."

So yeah, I consider myself a minister for the Flying Spaghetti Monster. I made shirts, i posted my status as a pasfarian on facebook. And if you know as much about the Holy script of the FSM as i do, you'd know a HUGE part being pastafarian is not doing anything at all! Thus i'm actively involved in the church and not paying a cent of taxes.

Hell, I'd like to see them TRY to audit my ass. I wish THEY WOULD. But if the dirty IRS wants to jeopardize their shot at eternal bliss with the FSM, beer volocanos and stripper factories, i guess that's their business. Your move Uncle Sam.

JUST SO YOU KNOW, I'M A NON-RACIST

The KKK was battered to the fringes of society... We've changed our discourse on race,

MORALS COME FROM A MAGICAL GUY WITH THREATS

"Name me an ethical action, or moral statement made by a believer that could not have been made or performed non-believer...

Now if i asked any audience if they can name a wicked action undertaken or wicked statement made because of religion ... no one has a moments hesitation."

If i was intelligent and religious ... i think i'd renounce my religion approximately .0009 seconds after i heard that statement. Of course in order to be religious, you generally like to ignore intelligence and logic to remain so. But hey ... if you're gonna make an omelette, you have to break a few church boys' be-hymens*... Wait, maybe i got that wrong. It's something like that though.


*credit: Adam Carolla coined the phrase "be-hymen" in reference losing one's anal virginity

INSTRUCTION MANUAL FOR LIFE IS LIKE IKEA FURNITURE WITH A BAG OF SCREWS MISSING

Who cares if that guy is his uncle ... the minute you find out someone has a indigo drawer you burn them. They are a witch. Burn them, preferably alive before their horns sprout.

P.S. Best YouTube ever.

INDY-TUCKY STILL PLAYING CATCH-UP ON THAT WHOLE "SEPARATION OF CHURCH AND STATE" THING

Just drove back from Indiana and these plates have been there for a year or so now i guess. According to this nerd blog, unlike other things like wildlife conservation or something real like that, the "God Plates" are on the house...

The lawsuit filed in Marion Superior Court claims the state Bureau of Motor Vehicles gives preferential treatment to motorists wanting the plates, which also feature the American flag, because they don’t have to pay the $15 administrative fee that the agency collects on sales of most other Indiana specialty plates.

Fun huh? Now you can announce to the world that you like to waste a quarter of your weekend singing with old people WITHOUT forking over $14.95 for a metal stick-on fish. God sure works in mysterious ways!

I went to church once, but they frown on getting a refill of the stale wine they serve and making out with hot chicks in the pews. JUST kidding! There aren't any hot chicks at church.


PS So yeah ... kinda busy ... so no posts in a while. But i'm pretty sure i'm the only one who reads them anyway, so i guess i'm only cheating myself really.

THIS IS HIGHLY OFFENSIVE

And you thought sex in video games was bad! ... Yahoo says:

LittleBigPlanet, one of this year's most-anticipated PlayStation 3 releases, won't be arriving in stores next week as expected.

The "social platforming" game is already gathering rave reviews, but it hasn't proven popular with one Muslim group, which issued a complaint to the game's publisher Sony concerning one background music track. Performed by award-winning Malian musician Toumani Diabate, the song quotes two verses from the Qur'an. Many Muslims consider the mixing of music and scripture to be deeply offensive.

Although the game is already pressed, packaged, and reportedly sitting in the back rooms of many worldwide retailers awaiting its original Oct. 21 debut, gamers eager to get hold of it will have to wait at least another week while the offending content is expunged. Updated versions of the game are expected to be shipped to stores during the week of October 27.

Wow are these game makers serious!!!? How dare they draw inspiration for their silly, imaginary, fictional game from a silly, imaginary, story of the Qur'an?! Actually, from what i've seen of this game, the events within it look a lot more likely to take place in real life.

It might have something to do with me not being Muslim, but this doesn't sound nearly as offensive as what Kid Rock did to Lynyrd Skynyrd's Sweet Home Alabama. Now THAT was a gang rape of a classic text.

The real question is, how did any Muslims find out two obsure verses in a video game that isn't even released yet? I'm no expert on Islam, but i'm pretty sure you can't even play video games legally. I mean ... unless there's a video game where the object is to see how many women you can enslave and wrap up like mummies so you won't fall victim to their sinfulness, with built-in pauses every 45 minutes as prayer reminders.... but i can't say i've seen a game like that.

JENNIFER LOPEZ WOULDN'T MIND HER KIDS BECOMING SCIENTOLOGISTS

OK, so this isn't a picture of Jennifer Lopez. But i read a survey than 99/100 penises prefer Jessica Biel. True story. plus her name start with a "J," so that's close enough right? And I don't want J-Lo's ugly ass sitting at the top of my nerd blog for 3 weeks, when i continue to slack off and never make new posts.

Anyway self-important Jennifer Lopez was interviewed in something called the Daily Beast with the following..

On Scientology
Lopez’s father has been a Scientologist for more than 20 years, and she is frequently seen with converts including Tom Cruise, Katie Holmes, and Leah Remini.

JL: “I do know a lot about Scientology. And I know about the practices. I know all about what the technology is and all that kind of stuff. It’s very helpful. So in a sense, yeah, you do call on it.”

“Do you consider yourself a Scientologist?”
JL: “No…I wouldn't have a problem saying [I was] because I know what it is. I have no problems with it and it really actually bothers me that people have such a negative feeling towards it.”

“That it is too exotic? Too cultish?
JL: “Just negative feelings.”

“Would you consider schooling Emme and Max in a Scientology school?”
JL: “Yeah. I wouldn’t mind. Not at all. Because I know that the technologies that they have are very helpful…It’s all about communication. That’s the thing I really don’t like about talking about this. I do know so many great people who do do it, who choose it as a lifestyle and really follow it and it is their religion…I just wish that people wouldn’t judge it without knowing what it is.”

Really J-Ho? Do YOU know what it is? According to Wikipedia:

"Among these advanced teachings, one episode revealed to those who reach OT level III is the story of Xenu (sometimes Xemu), introduced as an alien ruler of the "Galactic Confederacy." According to this story, 75 million years ago Xenu brought billions of people to Earth in spacecraft resembling Douglas DC-8 airliners, stacked them around volcanoes and blew them up with hydrogen bombs. Their souls then clustered together, stuck to the bodies of the living and continue to do this today. Hubbard called these clustered spirits "Body Thetans," and advanced-level Scientologists place considerable emphasis on isolating these alien souls and neutralizing their ill effects."

Scientology actually sounds like it would make a good super-nerdy RPG video game. I guess this really isn't any more far-fetched putting two of every animal in a boat, so have fun with that.. Someone should get on that. Million dollar idea!

You can't judge anyone! That's what i've learned today. Tribes in Africa that practice female genital mutilation. Can't judge them! It's their cultural tradition!

I think I'll start my own cultural tradition of robbing banks, and get a few moron "celebrities" to back me in my culture. Then in 50 years of getting away with it, you can't judge me! Hooooraaaay!