ECLIPSES ARE SCARY, MOST LIKELY EVIL

An eclipse! How exciting! ... Too bad it was in Asia...

Millions of people across Asia have witnessed the longest total solar eclipse of the 21st century with a mixture of excitement and religious fervor. Millions of others shut themselves in doors, fearing a bad omen.

Ho...LY....Shit. It's just like that scene from Apocalypto! Except for the fact that's it's 2009. It's fucking 2009. I'm sure you know 2009... It's that year that's hundreds of years AFTER we discovered the scientific reasons for an eclipse! Yup... that one.

Tens of thousands of Hindus bathed in the waters of the river Ganges in northern India, seeking spiritual purification during the eclipse. A stampede erupted among the crowd in the city of Varanasi, killing an elderly woman and injuring several other people.

Well, what are ya gonna do? I guess that was just god's plan for that elderly lady... to get trampled by a bunch of fucking morons.

Some expectant mothers in India asked doctors to re-schedule caesarian deliveries, fearing that giving birth on the day of the eclipse would lead to complications.

Um... So wait... you trust science to cut your gut open with a knife to unnaturally deliver your baby, but not to explain the natural reasons for why an eclipse happens? .... you do? OK ... just so we're clear. I officially surrender. You can't reason with logic like this.