YOU HAVE GOT TO EFFING KIDDING ME

On the night before 11-year-old Madeline Kara Neumann died of complications from untreated diabetes, her parents did not call a doctor.

Instead, Dale and Leilani Neumann prayed over the telephone Saturday with the founder of a religious Web site named AmericasLastDays.com.

The stunning detail was revealed Thursday by David Eells, whose Unleavened Bread Ministries operates the Web site that focuses on religious healing and the apocalypse. Leilani Neumann, who lives in the Town of Weston, wrote two posts on the Web site.

Absolutely not ... this has to be an Onion story or something right? Someone's playing a joke me? ... REALLY????

Eells, 59, who lives in Pensacola, Fla., said he was asked by an elder to call the parents and pray for their daughter.

In a statement posted on the Web site, Eells says that the child had started to get sick "in just the last day or so" and the parents "asked me to pray and agree with them in prayer, basically because she appeared pale and listless. They did not seem overly concerned because they had had healings before. This is not an unusual kind of request to us."

Eells said he received another call from the Neumanns on Sunday as the family "followed an emergency vehicle with Kara in it. They told me that she had stopped breathing and asked if I would pray that the Lord would spare her and raise her up, which I did."

The girl was pronounced dead at St. Clare's Hospital. An autopsy determined she had diabetic ketoacidosis, a serious complication of untreated insulin-dependent diabetes.

This poor girl never really had a chance. If not diabetes, she probably would have stubbed her toe on rusty nail one day and then her parents would just sit there and stare at the infection as it grew. Why isn't it going away? We prayed EVERY DAY!

If i was a kid I'd rather be left in a wolves' den as an infant that have Dale and Leilani Neumann for parents. I'd like my chances a lot better. Being a silver-lining guy, at least this poor girl won't grow up and raise another generation of world-class morons. See that glass! ... it is half full!

BEST ACCEPTANCE SPEECH EVER?

Yes, best acceptance speech ever.

In fairness, Jesus probably didn't have time to help out Kathy, because he was probably busy helping Kanye West, David Tyree and George Bush with war. Afterall ... there's only so many grace-giving hours in the day.

THIS GUY HAS A POINT (OR 9)

1. "Your beliefs inform your actions. Thus i like to inform my actions based on things that are true. I prefer that you are able to justify your beliefs with something more than personal experience or faith evidence."

2. "I think that's an unrealistic expectation."

1. Why? Why is that an unrealistic expectation? Name one thing besides a religious belief where that would be an unrealistic expectation."

I do find it pretty fascinating that i've met a ton of people who are well educated, fun, smart, logical and a good time ... yet also believe in an organized religion. It simply doesn't follow logic.

If an alien came down from the sky with no exposure to earthly culture, and observed us all ... who would look crazy to them? People kneeling and praying to something invisible 10 times a day? People eating crackers and calling it the flesh of person? People speaking in tongues?

And here's the other thing: If there was one shred of proof that any one of the religions were even 80% true ... do you think there would be so many other religions in existence? Or atheists at all?

I'M ONLY 8 POINTS AWAY FROM MY GAY BASHING BADGE

To recap, the Boy Scouts of America use publicy funded buildings and army camps for their meetings and jamboree, yet claim they can exclude atheists and gays from their lame club because they are a private organization. Makes sense to me.

So no gays or atheists but pedofiles ... come on in! You can touch little boys as along as you stick to the oath and do your duty to God while being "morally straight."

"I think it's pretty terrible the Boy Scouts have created a nation-wide safe haven for pedofiles."
Sincerely, My Space

MY GOD COULD BEAT UP YOUR GOD

I have yet to hear a coherent answer from someone of any religion who can explain the phenomenon of all the different religions. Usually their answer goes something to the effect of ... "BAAAaaaaah, all the other religions are silly and wrong. My God's obviously the real one."

As a Christian can't you see that there are Muslims who are just as devout about their faith as you are with yours? Or is that what blind faith is all about? Not seeing others in the world around you.

THOU SHALT GET HIGH AS A MO-FO

Who says pious people don't know how to party?

According to Benny Shanon, a professor of cognitive psychology at the Hebrew University of Jerusalem, psychedelic drugs formed an integral part of the religious rites of Israelites in biblical times.

Writing in the Time and Mind journal of philosophy, he says concoctions based on the bark of the acacia tree, frequently mentioned in the Old Testament, contain the same molecules as those found in plants from which the powerful Amazonian hallucinogenic brew ayahuasca is prepared.

"The thunder, lightning and blaring of a trumpet which the Book of Exodus says emanated from Mount Sinai could just have been the imaginings of a people in an altered state of awareness," writes Shanon. "In advanced forms of ayahuasca inebriation, the seeing of light is accompanied by profound religious and spiritual feelings.

References in the Bible where people "see" sounds, is another "classic phenomenon", he said, citing the example of religious ceremonies in the Amazon in which drugs are used that induce people to "see" music.

Speaking about his article on Israeli public radio, he added: "As far as Moses on Mount Sinai is concerned, it was either a supernatural cosmic event, which I don't believe, or a legend, which I don't believe either. Or finally, and this is very probable, an event that joined Moses and the people of Israel under the effect of narcotics."

Moses was probably also on mind-altering drugs when he saw the "burning bush", suggested Shanon, who admitted to dabbling with such substances.

Nope, that can't be right. It can't be the "bark of an acacia tree" (which we could actually find growing, walk up to, pull the bark off of with our own two hands and experience for ourselves.)

It was God himself that spoke to Moses through a burning bush (which we have zero actual proof of). The word of God is right there in the Bible. Just read it.

I'm such an idiot by the way .... Back in school I should have used the Bible for all my reports and term papers! ...

That way, when your 7th period Social Studies teacher is all like: "Your report on a famous inventor needs 3 sources and is due next Friday" you could be all like "Uh Uuuhhh ... I only need ONE source cause it's the word of God bebe! I mean hello ... why do you think it's called a "Bibliograpy?"

RELIGION IS CHILD ABUSE, SOCCER

Adam Carolla strikes again. I can't wait to laugh at him on Dancing With the Stars on St. Patty's Day. Should be entertaining. He makes the important point again that Atheism isn't a "set of beliefs" itself. It's nothing. Religion is soccer, I don't have a team, i don't follow the entire sport of soccer.

He makes another great and obvious comparison with practicing a religion to following a sports team...

"I grew up in Wisconsin, i'm a Packers Fan. My Dad was a cheesehead, so who do you want me to root for? Wherever you were born, that's your team. That's 90% of where religious people fall."

That's fun that he used my Packers for the comparison!

Surprise fact about me: I went to high school in Green Bay. By religion's thought process, I feel bad for people not born in Wisconsin, because they don't know the one and only truth: The Packers are the team they should follow. People in Europe and Utah are just unlucky that they were born in places that didn't have Brett Favre. Maybe us Packer fans should send out Lombardi Witnesses that go door-to-door to Alabama and Oregon to "enlighten" these unfortunate people. Poor lost souls they are.