MORE LIKE VALEN-SINS-DAY

Saudi Arabia has asked florists and gift shops to remove all red items until after Valentine's Day, calling the celebration of such a holiday a sin, local media reported Monday.

"As Muslims we shouldn't celebrate a non-Muslim celebration, especially this one that encourages immoral relations between unmarried men and women," Sheikh Khaled Al-Dossari, a scholar in Islamic studies, told the Saudi Gazette, an English-language newspaper.

So who knew after all this time ... I'm Muslim! Terrible news sweetie ... I had to cancel our reservations at Morton's Steakhouse and return the red dozen I got you. During my morning prayer facing east to the Holy Land, I asked Allah, and he was pretty clear that he wanted me to spend the $200 i had allocated for our big night on something much less sinful. If fact, he told me to buy Rock Band for Xstation 360. Praise Allah!

Under Saudi law, women are subject to numerous restrictions, including a prohibition against driving and a requirement that they get a man's permission to travel or have surgery.

A businesswoman told the Times of London this month that she was detained and strip-searched by the religious police for holding a meeting in a coffee shop with male colleagues.

Wait? Women only need a simple permission slip from a man and then they're allowed to drive or travel? Jesus! That's madness. There must be accidents all the time in Saudi Arabia with women driving all over the place.

Also this "religious police" sounds kinda sexy. There's always hot girls at Starbucks whom i wouldn't mind stripping down.

Oh and Sweetie ... you have my permission to get that boob job.